I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
