i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
