The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
you have to choose: penises or morals?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
