Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
