hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize