Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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