i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
you never un-have a 4some
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
