I want to stick my p in your. b.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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