Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
