you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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