So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
