Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
