tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
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