why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
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