A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
