he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
