Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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