She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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