I met the friendliest cop last night
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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