She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
