Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Randomize
