Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
