im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
