I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Randomize
