I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
