Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
