'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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