Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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