Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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