end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Randomize
