Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
