He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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