So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
