i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
