I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
