Yo dont text me then not text me
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I think i got beer on your cat.
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