So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
