I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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