my phone needs a breathalizer
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
