just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
