Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
