I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
