you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
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