i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
