Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
