i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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