woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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