see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Randomize
