Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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