Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Randomize
