You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
