Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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