lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize