can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
