I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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