Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
