is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize