I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
