He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
