The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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