I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
