Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
