Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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