that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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