Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
