I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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