I just pynch a tree in the face
I'm drive I can fine osifer
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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