its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Someone signed my nipple.
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