I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
