I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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