5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize
