I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
